Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
