oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
