She is in my trunk
Buhtt sex?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
