Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
