And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
