Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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