Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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