Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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