You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
