She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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