Say something about gay babies.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
