speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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