do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
