i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
