Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
