he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
