I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
