i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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