I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
