I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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