I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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