we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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