There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
