Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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