I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
