Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
