My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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