YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
