Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
