white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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