I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
