I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
worst night to have a conscience
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Someone came in the potted fern
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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