then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's blow job season.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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