If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize