Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
