I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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