so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
