She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
