let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
