Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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