Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
