any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
