I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
