I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
