My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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