Me too!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
