I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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