what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
