Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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