Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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