I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize