there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
