So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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