I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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