if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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