So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
