how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
