My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize