Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
