Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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