I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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