My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize