dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
