Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
