i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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