I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Quick, to the slutcave!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
