I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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