You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
