I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
