Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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