I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
