THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
