Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
