What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
