We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this boner is exhausting
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
