Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
