just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
