Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
