This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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